Things

This morning, I woke up exhausted. I had slept for hours, but it wasn’t enough. I could’ve easily stayed in bed forever.

My throat hurt. The air in my room felt toxic—heavy, stale. Even my pillow didn’t feel right. It used to fluff up just the way I liked. Now it’s like it’s given up, too.

My head hurt, not a headache, I guess. Just… pressure.

I looked at my phone. I had put it on airplane mode before sleeping, and now I didn’t want to turn it back on. No one texts me anyway.

I felt hungry, but didn’t want to eat. Even my favorite food doesn’t taste like anything anymore.

I thought about going outside. I should go outside.
But I didn’t want to.

Should I take a shower? Maybe tonight.

I miss my girlfriend. I wonder if she misses me, too. There’s so much I want to say to her, but I don’t know how to say it.

I want to go home. But I’m scared.. I’ll disappoint my parents.

I don’t know what to do.
But I know I need to do something.
The problem is… for what?

Isn’t life meaningless?

I’ve tried giving it meaning. I’ve tried having goals. I’ve tried being motivated. But no, my brain pushes it all away.

Do I hate myself? Probably.
Do I want to die? No.

I have too many things I still want to do.
I just want someone to notice me.
I crave connection.
I want someone to care.
I want someone to listen.